Quote:
Originally Posted by BEDK
I completely understand. I live in a house where we have no bread, no almonds, no bananas, no anything, really, because I'll binge eat them. I've started buying things from the local convenience store at night. My bf holds onto my wallet so I can't buy things, but I've started to keep money hidden in other places. I do have some insomnia, so I agreed to be put on a sleep-inducing anti-depressant (!), because I believed that I ate only at night because I was lonely and bored. Nope. Fought off the chemical-borne sleepiness to wake up at night and steal my bf's credit card to buy all of the junk food. I feel sick. I feel horrible. THIS WILL NEVER GET BETTER. It makes me cry. I, a grown and competent adult, think aboutbursting into tears because I can't stop eating at night. I would gladly cut off a pinky toe if I could stop eating at night. I would give 10% of my salary to stop eating at night! WHY CAN'T I STOP? THIS IS HOPELESS.
...And here I am, signing up for a support forum. So I can't say that things will never get better. Maybe they will. I obviously think that something can be done, because I signed up.
So! I'm in the same boat as you, somewhat. Our houses are empty of delicious things, and my bf will take my wallet. I'll put his cards with him at his bedstand. So...what do we do now? I don't want to wake up and sit there, pining away for food. That's horrible.
Sheer willpower is so hard. It's really hard to use effectively, I think. My friends who want to quit something--like smoking--always insist upon strongarming their addiction. It baffles me. You're taking away something from your life. Something you like--or maybe not really enjoy, but continue to do habitually--and it's something comforting. You can't just take away shoes from a dog, and expect him to stop chewing. You need to add something to your life. Otherwise, you're mentally in a state of deprivation. And sorrow.
I should take my own advice.
Let me think. I eat because, I think, I'm lonely and sad. And bored. And nothing in my day gives me that same delicious sensory WHOOSH feeling as I get when I mentally unlock a gate and say <Go! Go, BEDK! Eat whatever the hell you want! You're free. Everyone's asleep. They can't judge you now. Mmm...******* sugar and fat and salt in unlimited quantities! It beats the hell out of those bitter-*** greens you were munching on today!>
So. What do I do?
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I just read your comment and this is exactly how I am, sometimes I feel like a drug addict and there's no way out.. It seems worse recently because I used to be obsessed with running, it was the only thing in the world that gave me that WHOOSH feeling! Then I overdid it and became so obsessive about it I basically ruined my knees and hips. I'm only 24 and I had to force myself to basically stop because my body was falling apart. This was years ago and every time I try to start again injuries come really fast and easily. Once I lost running I became some kind of compulsive night time binger.
At least when it comes to smoking or alcohol you can stop cold turkey. But when you stop eating food, you will become dysfunctional and eventually die.
that was my inspiring message lol, but that's how it is.