I had a small but personally interesting experience this past weekend. As a sort-of quasi-Buddhist (I guess), I've begun collecting some pendants & things I can wear as jewelry. There is a very nice little Tibetan store, where I like to shop, in Saint Paul. Much of what they carry bears some relationship to Buddhism in some way or another. Recently I had bought a string of wood prayer beads. I can either loop them around my neck or make additional loops so I can wear them around my wrist.

So, this past weekend, while I was getting dressed (casually) to go out to do some shopping with my wife, I decided I'd loop the prayer beads around my wrist, which I did. (The beads make a total of about 6 loops on my wrist.) However, at the last minute (& before my wife had seen them on my wrist) I experienced this "flush" of self-consciousness & decided not to wear them. So I took them off. All of the rest of the time my wife & I were out that day, I berated myself silently for not wearing them. Hm-m-m-m-m... not much compassion, lovingkindness, or self-acceptance to be found there!

I am just incredibly self-conscious. Of course it would make sense I am. I was brought up to be. And as I have aged, although it has gotten better, when it comes right down to it, I'm still a slave to what other people think.