I know how difficult it is to be told "you have so much going for you", "you're so mature", etc. etc., especially when you don't really feel that way. I am SO sorry you're going through such a tough time, and have been for so long. If you're still in high school, as I'd suspect you are, lemme tell ya that the environment you're in is more than likely NOT helping AT ALL. Try to get away from the high school mentality you're faced with daily, at least for a little bit. It might help.

You talked about the fact that you are "outside" in the cold, while we are all sheltered within. Why not come in for a little while? What's keeping you out there? I totally understand what you're saying about not wanting to throw yourself into what sometimes seems to be a pit of lies, false faces, and people who just don't get it and seem to never be able to, but perhaps somewhere in this crazy mess you'll find a few people who respect, love and care as much as you do.

Please don't go away. Please don't give up, and PLEASE don't die. I don't mean to admonish you, so please know we'll all be here for you if you need us. PM me sometime if you wish, okay?

luck and love,
~muse