I have been ridiculously non compliant with meds in the past but now I'm pretty good. The reasons have varied from the usual - I think I'm better so I stop when manic, to what you describe, feeling unworthy of the meds when I'm depressed. I also struggle with remembering to take them. I keep them in a dosette box next to my toothbrush and just use the tap water to swallow them. I'm much better now because I've lived through the effects of not taking them so many times and I've worked with my therapist to feel better about myself. Hope you can start taking your meds again and feel better soon. Can you get an emergency adapt with your pdoc?