I am feeling so alone and even betrayed by some of the members of my own family. I am the oldest of 6 children in a Asian American family. I am also 32 years old, not married and without children. Later, you’ll understand why I’m stated the details of my marital and status of not having children.
I initiated the process of having my father who is in his late 50’s to get a physical exam because his health is concerning me. We’ve come to find out he is on the high risk of having diabetes, his liver enzymes are also high either due to having hepatitis B or the combination of being a long term alcoholic for majority of his. His right eye has sighs of having the effects of diabetes and his left eye has is ready to have surgery.
I am the sole care giver for him. He needs a translator at every doctor visit and he is also a horrible patient and never willing to admit exactly what his body is experiencing. His pride and denial is in full effect right now.
I am on the verge of being burnt out and feeling unappreciated for all the work I’m putting into for being their from him and my parents. I’ve asked for help from all my siblings through emails, text messages and even having face to face conversations. None of them are willing to step in to the degree that I’ve been involved in. Due to my dad’s alcoholism throughout our entire childhood, my dad has burned all bridges with my siblings and they can no longer love him.

I’ve reminded everyone single person in my life that in two weeks I will soon have to dedicate my life to my graduate program where I will soon become an intern as a medical social worker. For the next 12 months my life is also dedicated to my research on a thesis in my graduate program so that I may graduate as a social worker.

I’ve reached out to a therapist, other mentors of mine who are nurses and teachers and all of them as advised me to prepare for my dad to die. My sister has told me to let him go because his drinking will not change and why must I try so hard to get him to feel better again.

It breaks my heart to hear people tell me, that I need to prepare for my Dad’s funeral instead of him feeling better. I may never be able to stop him from drinking but I feel I can help slow down the process from him dying, help give him days of feeling comfort as his health is failing. His health may be failing but I can’t just watch him die and turn my back on him. He may have stolen my childhood from me, he may have physically and verbally abused me for too many times, and kicked me out to the streets but still deep down he is still my father. Everyone else has abandoned him, I can’t live with the guilt to let him struggle alone.