Im in a relationship approaching a year. I'm quite happy with my boy, but I have one major problem.
A few months ago i went on a uni trip to brussels and realised that i like this boy based on th fact that he liked politics and dog (two things i used to love , although I still love dogs).
I then procedded to tell me Boyfriend at that time and we almost broke up over facetime. We sorted things and stuff like this (that would disrupt our relationship) has popped up before. Needless to say that little niggling feeling in the back of my mind has grown into something nasty now. It will not go away- Sometime in my head I say his name and see him but here is the catch- I don’t want him. I love my boyfriend and we have amazing amounts of fun but do have our troubles together. I respect him, love him and he is my best friend as well as partner. We often talk about our kids and marriage- I don’t want this niggling feeling in the back of my head to be there for the rest of my life. A bit of background info- I’ve always obsessed about relationships and i’m quite the drama queen when i want to be. Also the thing is when the name and the seeing him thing happens I tell myself to stop it and just as you expect i become over whleamed by it as it popps up and up. I worry all the time and have major anixety issues. I contacted this person a few months ago and told him and that seemed to do nothing (which also caused an arguement between us) i got a response as well saying i hope i didnt cause too much trouble. I KNow this is all in my head becuase it has happened before. And the punch line of the story is that I now longer attend uni becuase I can’t stand to be away from Him for more than a working day (i now do an apprenticeship). Also all of this in my head has made me self harm and think about self harming every single day and sometimes every hour and to be honest it makes me not want to live if this is what living feels like ( living with this feeling in the back of my head). Even when im at work (which i am now) I can’t stop thinking about it and it upset me and make me cry and I fear one day I’ll just give up on my relationship becuase I don’t.
I’m sorry for the spelling as well and the lack of paragraphs. I honeslty just don’t care about anything apart from fixing myself so that on our one year in September and our wedding I actually don’t freak out and think of the person I don’t want and not of the person that treats me like a princess.