Ever felt like you give too much and never get anything in return? I feel like that all the time, but I've gotten so used to it that I feel absolutely guilty and uncomfortable if someone returns the favor.

I always think like that, I always put others before me even if I'm standing in fire myself. I hate it but I feel so guilty and selfish if I think about myself.

My parents are currently in a tight situation and have been for a long time and it's an evil circle. Past has taught me and has been proven true again and again, that me spending money on myself, is a bad idea.

I buy a new phone or new shoes, weeks later, I tell myself "well, that wasn't smart" because then either my parents or sister or someone else is asking for money, because they're broke. And me being this overly generous person start to blame myself and feel like crap because, well I bought new shoes and can no longer help.

This has happened so many times, it's getting hilarious.

I'm helping my mom who's helping my sister and grandmother. So, you see, if I can't help her, she can't help my sister or my grandmother and we're all pretty much screwed.

And I just don't know what to do. I live at home, I can't tell my mom that I won't help her anymore, that I want to be paid back, it'd be so wrong and so heartless and I don't want to be a heartless person...