Watched my wedding video tonight as it's our anniversary. Over a decade ago in my 20s I was 50 lbs lighter, med-free, extremely perky, intense and anxious. I can't decide if I miss the person I used to be. There are some things I miss about her: a certain intensity and energy that could be very engaging and charismatic. But I didn't like the dark side that came with it, both in terms of how it affected my relationships with other people, and how it subjectively felt. I guess it has been a little bit triggering to see that video... I sometimes long to be off meds to reacquaint myself with who I used to be. But this video reminded me of the double edged sword that goes along with being med-free for me.

Thanks for listening.

ETA - there is also something about my appearance that is triggering. I was slim, young, and beautiful. I don't feel that way anymore. Most of my friends maintained their figures after having babies. So its very isolating.