I get what you're saying. I lost a friend just over a year ago. I poured out my heart and soul to him and I thought he understood me, i thought he cared. Then one day he said his wife was uncomfortable with our friendship and if he was to save their marriage we can be friends no more.

To this day it still hurts, the rejection. I broke his rule and reached out to him to see how he was doing and he said he is doing better than ever. A true friend would be happy for him and I tried, oh I tried. Instead I feel even more hurt that he is able to feel so happy with me out of his life when I am struggling day by day, even after a year has passed. I am confident his wife will have another affair as from what he says it sounds like she is in love with another man, and I hate that our friendship had to die for a doomed relationship.

On one hand I feel like I hate him. He hurt me more severely than anyone on my adult life. I feel I could never trust him again and want to tell him to ef off, but then I realize I'm angry with him for hurting me because I cared too much. I became dependent on him to handle my emotions. It's not him I hate, it's myself for being foolish and trusting him.

I try to forget as he has forgotten me, but I cannot. At this very moment I am unable to sleep because all I can think of was things I should have done differently the last time I sas him

I guess this isn't very comforting- me still suffering after so much time. I reacted a similar way (not quite so severe, I wasn't suicidal) almost 20 years ago when I had another friend reject me. It took me 2-3 years before it didn't upset me greatly and i still to this day get anxious when I see her (we have a common friend an have bumped into each other over the years).

I hope the pain will some day go away for both of us.