T I think not only is that not weird, but I think it is quite normal. Part of the job of the hospital is to give you a chance to feel safe while they start you on a treatment plan. I think one of the reasons it is also an uncomfortable place is so that it does not get too comfortable. It should be a safe place but not a hiding place. The treatment program should be working toward giving you the skills so that you can feel safe outside of the hospital, but that is not an immediate thing. During the transition I think the feelings you are having are very normal.

One big thing that depressed people need is structure in their daily lives so that they do not stay at home and sink further. The hospital provides this and so does a day program, partial program, or IOP program. So it is also normal to feel sort of "lost" during the weekends. I felt awful during the weekends I was in IOP. but I did my best to hang on until Monday would roll around and get through another week. It is important to take it one week at a time, one day at a time. With the skills you learn in the partial program the weekends will become easier, you will be able to structure days on your own without having to rely on the program as much, and everything will get better. It is a slow process.

You are absolutely right about your feelings of being a wimp being false. That is absolutely a part of the depression, and at times looking at that from the "right" side of the fence these feelings can seem so ludicrous because they fly in the face of fact. But that is what depression does. It has the magical power to turn anything, any thought, any action, any feeling, into something completely negative and into a reason for hopelessness. Don't let the depression convince you of that.

When I was hospitalized I was somewhat lucky. I went to a local ER and they set me up for the hospital. They checked my insurance and I was lucky to have coverage at a hospital that they considered to be an excellent facility. The program there was very intense and I did get a lot out of it. As the ambulance was arriving to take me there, the psych doc who evaluated me in the ER came back, she was making arrangements at the facility and realized that I had a choice because not only was this a good facility, but they are also one of the few places in the country that had a "Pride Institute" program in place, a special unit for gays and lesbians so that they could talk and deal with their issues without having to worry about keeping secrets. It was a last minute choice but I decided to try that unit. The atmosphere for me was so comfortable and helpful for me there. I made many very close friends and there were people there from all parts of the country who traveled there just to benefit from this program. My knees were killing me from my arthritis on the ridiculous hard pads that passed as "beds". The lunch room was up a flight of stairs. The program was EXTREMELY intense, with intense group sessions scheduled from 8am until 10pm, with only one break of an hour in the evening and short breaks for smoking between each group... and no visiting hours at all during the week, only a few hours on the weekends. I sure as hell wanted to get out of there. But I also felt so comfortable and for the first time felt like I "belonged" somewhere that I still miss it in some ways. I felt safe there and part of a community.

So I really understand your feelings and do not at all think them strange.

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--http://www.idexter.com