You know meds and therapy saved my life? It isn't perfect, not close, but I'm making slow progress forward instead of being stuck in the pain. I cannot fully explain how frightening it is to realize two weeks into meds how different life looks and the ONLY thing that has changed is the addition of one little white pill.

I know what it is like to substitute one kind of pain for another, to disassociate from life some, or enough to survive. I also know what it is like when that no longer works. I'm serious, the pain got so bad that no amount of physical pain could take the pain away anymore and I was getting ready for something else. Thankfully my sister sat me down and said; "Look, before you do this, just give me one month okay?" She saved my life that girl did.

She suggested I try meds, to the point where she "lost" hers, had her pharmacy replace them and gave them to me. Two weeks later I couldn't believe the difference.

I KNOW how hard it is to get help, to go, to open up. Took me MOST of my life. My sister had been trying to get me to seek help and meds for 15 years. I should have listened all those years ago. I guess my point is this.

Therapists and PDocs are there to help, and will not hurt you. There are some good people out there. Worse case, if you are in or near Denver, go into Denver Health, it's a great Hospital, and get a referral.

I still have problems, and still periodically freak out if there are too many people around or any number of other things. But I have hope, and help, and I'm making small steps forward. Life is still dark, hard and painful, but I'm not so alone, and I don't SI anymore.

((((((((bellaviolet))))))))