I think you should definitely get help. We can't tell through the internet what your exact problems are but it definitely sounds something in the direct of Major Depression and/or possibly Borderline Personality Disorder.

There may not be a simple, super easy solution, but if you can set the right things in motion you CAN live a happy and satisfying life, in time.

You might need a combination of medication/therapy and a hard look at issues which are critical to your life.

Only a professional can diagnose and guide you, I would definitely have a look in that direction.

I strongly encourage you to talk to a professional sooner, rather than leaving it to later and later.