Hi Nat92,
You remind me my father. I think he was like you. Once he was very ill at the hospital and the treatment team sent a psychologist for him. He told us that one of the exercises she made him do was to bring the first memory of his childhood. He said it was that he was trying to comfort his mom that was crying because they were poor my grandfather would not work enough and would spend the little money he earned in drinks (at bars). My father was a man that tried to fulfill desires and needs of other people in his life at risk of his own life. The psychologist told him that he has been programmed by his parents and early events to be like that and that it was not healthy.