Trigger warning

Probably best that I'm in hospital right now as I am getting intensive suicidal thoughts. No wish to talk to staff about it, nothing they could do anyway and I have nothing at hand anyway.

Just everything seems suddenly futile... bottomed out. No idea how to possibly talk to others when I feel this way, I just feel detached and non caring and with that comes the lack of care to talk to others about it.

Sadly and most concernedly, my wife is coming to visit in about 10 minutes time and I just am going to have to be social and not let her worry.