So sorry to hear about your loss tallie angel. That is hard.

I always had an imbalance- my moods would swing from extreme irritability- but when I was manic- I was the nicest person in the world to deal with. My hypomania let me think faster, I understood how people would react to me- so I was very good at guarding my behavior because I always had a nagging feeling that I wasn't normal. For me- the game changer was when I found out the my soon to be ex husband cheated on me. I knew that it had been going on for a couple of months, but reality smacked me right in the face.

We had been putting a lot of time and effort into starting his real estate business. So when he threatened to evict me for not paying rent when I was part-owner sent me over the edge. It was one thing to be cheated on, I reasoned- it was quite another to threaten to throw your family in the street after something you did.

Then, I decided that I wouldn't need sleep, didn't have the motivation to eat- I had an overwhelming urge to express myself in metaphor as much as possible. Long story short- I lost 40 pounds in three weeks and started to hallucinate from lack of sleep. One of my friends realized that I couldn't take care of myself and I ended up in in-patient for four weeks.

When I was originally diagnosed- I was on 2000 mg of Depakote, 2000 mg of zyprexa, 5 mg of klonopin, 250 of Effexor. Since then- my medication has been fine-tuned a lot- so I'm hoping that someone who reads my posts realizes that if the medication isn't working the way it should- a talented pdoc can help you get an optimal point- it may take a year or longer- but it can happen.

I feel fortunate to be a in a high-functioning category. Lots has happened- made some bad relationship choices, still have opportunities to handle being a mom better with my daughter, but things are coming together. When I look at last year- a ton of progress has been made since then.