Hi TJ, OK everything isn't futile, you have had points where you've been doing really well!!
I know those points probably seem distant and to have lost a lot of meaning right now, but they have meant something/they do mean something. And you know you've come through these feelings before, right? And they are getting less.
So hang in there with us
And maybe at least consider writing down your thoughts/feelings for the staff there if telling them is too hard?? But regardless thank you for sharing with us...........and if you want to talk.............

Alison