The news of Robin Williams' suicide has also bothered me greatly. I find myself unable to stop thinking about it. This was my exact thought also:

If someone with all those resources and such a community of support can slip away....what about all the ones with no safety network.

Lately in my therapy, we have been discussing my fear about not being able to cope down the road, or my husband to cope. I have C-PTSD, features of BPD, GAD, and DDNOS. My h has rapid cycling bipolar and 16 other medical conditions, some of them serious, such as an aortic aneurysm. (I am not exaggerating, I am totally serious.) We are only 50 years old. My h has a small disability pension, and I work full time.

We have very little support except my therapist and his mom. We have no kids, grandkids, nieces, or nephews to support us. We lost our cloest friends when we got depressed. My whole family has totally ignored my mental health problems, even when I was hospitalized, they never mentioned it, never asked why I was depressed, have just pretended not to know.

So yes, it scares me very much every time I hear about someone with mental illness who has tried very hard to get well, but succombed nontheless and took their life. Especially when it seems like they had a loving family, lots of friends and support, and enough money to get the best treatment.

My biggest fear is that when my t retires and if/when my h passes away, I won't have anyone close to me who really cares enough to support me or even check in with me regularly to see if I am OK. I have been in therapy for several years and have alot of knowledge of my mental illness. But I also know how hard it is to maintain emotional composure when I get triggered or under too much stress. I know I could easily go downhill, and with nobody there to help gauge how I'm doing, I worry about what could happen. My biggest issues are about loss and abandonment, so I know when I lose my t and/or my h, it is going to be extremely difficult.

I just have to keep trusting in God and in the skills I've learned, and try my best to put one foot in front of the other. '

Thank goodness for this forum.



Peaches