I see my pdoc in a week-saw him yesterday .... feeling yes... a little too needy right now.

I am surrounded by the sadness here of the losses of Virginia Tech and the fall out of a prior coworker dying there. All are wearing Maroon and Orange today. It is everywhere ... on TV, etc... I wish to give it justice but I am on overload. I wish also... to cut it all off but it is difficult to avoid.

I also have been in confrontation with my T as ...ok I know...an effective means of therapy but have asked him to call and he has not. That should not be a surprise but I am saddened.

There are other things as well. I am off meds right now and may start up a new one (yikes- could be good, will it work-last one did not...etc... yadayadayada) next week. I am not sleeping well. I cried all day at work yesterday.

I remember these symptoms from a terrible time of my life.....depression out of control.

How do I tie a knot? It will be a long week. I did go swimming last night which was I think a favorable thing to do... but that was just last night... I feel like going to bed but I know that is not best.. Though I do need sleep too.

But ...going to work today.... wearing orange ... and hoping to hang in there and not fall apart.