Here goes nothing-
@ age 12 I saw my first psychiatrist for suicidal thoughts and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. My mom disagreed because I was only a kid, so no treatment. Began drinking, sometimes heavily because I couldn't shake the feeling that something about me wasn't right.
@ age 16 I hung myself, obviously was found in time to be revived. Spent nearly 3 months inpatient and heavily medicated. Quit meds and treatment when I turned 18.
@ age 22 went inpatient for 2 weeks due to si was diagnosed with manic depression and anxiety disorder. I continued meds and treatment but times were very rocky. Spent a weekend inpatient @ age 23 for med adjustment.
@ age 24 I overdosed and spent 3 days in ICU, 3 weeks inpatient and finally decided I didn't want to die. I was in a semi-private room with a lady who actually did die! I moved from Ohio to Utah and it was a geographical cure. The rest of my 20's were glorious! Un-medicated carefree days! Not to say they were without struggle- periods of homelessness and an unfortunate victim of sexual assault that sent me back to meds and a new dx of ptsd/bipolar disorder/generalized anxiety disorder.
@ age 30 I met my husband, got married, started fertility treatment (quiting all meds) and got pregnant! Whew-what a year! Started back on meds when my daughter was 6 months old because of postpartum depression and have been on them pretty much since with the exception of breaks due to loss of insurance/finances.
@ age 42.......here I am! I have only contemplated suicide a few times since the birth of my daughter, always over $. She is absolutely what stops my thoughts every time! No matter how big a loser I feel I am, she is always looking to me as an example therefore I must continue on and fight like hell to make it better so that she will do the same. Continue on and fight like hell to make it better!