@cureav
I'm certainly not recommending it or justifying my behavior.... see my post number 21.

But, to be clear... I'm not talking about gaslighting. It wasn't intentional on my part.. and I wasn't trying to make anyone doubt their sanity. I've been a victim of gaslighting...

I think I see where the confusion came from. I mentioned my behavior.. then I mentioned gaslighting. I was contrasting the 2 things.. not comparing them. I thought I was trying to be clear all along that what I did was not gaslighting.. but, I can see where the issue got confused in my posts.

Are you also a sufferer of NPD? It's a toubling disorder, isn't it? The self-loathing is quite hard to deal with.

and again.. I reiterate.. I'd recommend staying away from anyone who uses gaslighting... there is no good resolution that I can see (if you attempt to confront the abuser). Just get away, and tell your friends what you've experienced... or do whatever you need to do to ground yourself and keep yourself sane.