Hi, freedom1, and welcome to Psych Central! My first thought, being perfectly honest, was that you were #2 in her choice of mates. And that you're likely right that she wanted the former boyfriend to marry her. So, she rather bitterly kept putting you down in her comparisons. She was obviously still wrapped up in him. To her credit, at least she stopped all that stuff when you asked her to. But remember that these thoughts are only MY opinion, and I am not a marriage counselor.

With all these things going on, I am wondering what leads you to be attracted to her and to stay with her. She has certainly not been good for your self-esteem.

If you were to share this letter with her, then I strongly recommend that you read it to her, so she can respond. I think just leaving it for her to read would be rather cold. Or is communication to the point where you just don't feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feeling with her in person?

If you two agree that you want to stay together, then I recommend you do see a professional marriage counselor. If she won't go with you, then I suggest you go alone. Okay?

I hope things will work out for the best.