Thank you for your posts. The dark thoughts are the Sui ones. l guess l use the SI to escape them, but it is the darker ones l struggle with.

l think today the death of Robin Williams has bought it to mind, if someone so talented, rich to the point of being able to afford any treatment can't escape it, then what is the best that can be achieved.

l keep waiting for it to stop to get on with my life, but it doesn't.

l just don't know how to become comfortable with it, to accept this is how it is. l am really not sure that life is meaningful for me.

Just to reassure, l am seeing my T tomorrow, so no safety issues with me. Just lots of questions and debates in my head.