Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting4
I really don't want to dive into the middle of this quagmire, between what is said, how it is perceived...the implied vs the inferred, but, that said, I simply would like to point out....again....that NO person with NPD can be pigeon holed. Period. They are all as diverse as anyone else with a PD. There is no lump category, and no lump prevention, nor cure.
In my experience, for what little it's worth to others and the great amount it is worth to myself and my own survival/sanity.....NPD's don't deliberately gaslight. It is a learned response. It's like...breathing....no, better yet...it's like choosing direction...
|
I use the word intentionally in my own description mostly to make an indication that I don't assume someone is gaslighting only based on how I feel, but because I can tell there is a process in place, for them.
However, my own experience of gaslighting by those with NPD does reveal evidence of pre-meditative discernment, for instance my sister doesn't only refrain from gaslighting those she's discovered it doesn't work on, but also those people she wants something from, such as those who are very important on the social food chain. She'd never gaslight any high society friends, from whom a potentially bad reaction could cost her a rung on the social ladder. It's a process she reserves solely for those whose affection she has come to consider either expendable or unnecessary to nurture. But there are surely differences from person to person.
Certainly in the moment, I think there is a ton of kneejerk or autopilot reaction involved in the process, especially while around people with whom it has already become second nature. And while I'm not a gaslighter, I'm certainly familiar with reacting on autopilot..
Working towards better understanding how it happens is the only way I know of that I might better understand my own role in it, and I know that's all I can change in the situation.
On a side note, I love ribbon candy! Fruitcake though, not so much.
