Yeah Alison. It's a tricky situation in truth... From what I can tell I am the only patient on this ward that has acute depression and acute anxiety (psychiatrists diagnosis) with other elements incoming when I get assessed... whereas everyone else are here due to psychosis of some kind and do not require emotional support ... so the staff just don't know how to deal with me (nor have the resources for it... 5 mins of talking is a lot of time on this ward with the staffing levels) as their expertise is not orientated in that direction... I'm not violent (well to walls) so they have their hands full else where.

It's been bewildering for me being here as I am triggered very easily and quickly due to being a naturally private and reclusive person... at home my high strung emotions set off by others and noise are better kept in check because there is simply no one around.

During my earlier weeks the psychiatrist often remarked that the hospital was not the best place for me and at first I saw this as a further criticism of me... but I'm coming to realise he is actually right... the stimulus here is too much. It does keep me safe but the emotional turmoil (and that's the only word I can use) has been a nightmare.

My T has stressed that I need to talk about the depressive window I get predominantly at home though as that is going to be the reverse of what I'm experiencing here. My anxiety leads to self harm... my depression leads to suicidal intent and I become very quiet about it... so I've got to address this with him. Wife will be in on the appointment so she'll be wanting to know about how to manage this too... stressing my opening up to the resources available (crisis team etc).