I called my T's office and tried to see him today. He doesn't have anything according to his Assistant. I mentioned that my uncle died and that I wanted to clear something up before I left.

The Assistant was real sweet as usual but my T apparently could give a damn. I'm telling you, I might be done with this process. I still have my Tuesday appt because I am coming back on Monday now.

He can't even call for 10 minutes? I'm sure his Assistant told him. Whatever. I think if I knew then what I know now, I'd never have started therapy.

I have enough people in my life casting me to the side. I was about to mention that I would pay for the session but I wanted to see first if one was open. I am not the type of person to just start crying and freaking out to say that I need someone. But when I do reach out I am told "it's so much better to feel the pain"...

I feel betrayed at this point. I also feel very stupid for opening up to him, trusting him with all of my dark secrets of abuse to get treated this way by him.

We just talked about this the other day so he knows what he is doing to me now. I think this is the first time that I feel like I have hit the bottom like I have today.

I'm so sorry this is a bad post but I just needed to get this out. I am amazed at the bravery of all of you on here. I just don't think I can continue with therapy anymore.

I'm not canceling Tuesday just yet incase I get some clarity on this that changes my mind. I'm just wondering though, how can he treat me like this knowing exactly now how it makes me feel?

I know, he has other patients and I do understand if he doesn't have anything open. But the Assistant didn't even say I'll have him call you. I'm sure he was told not to say that to me of all people. You know, the one with the unhealthy dependence.

I'll keep reading and chatting on here and live through the progress you are all making...