I'm really down. I've been sleeping so much lately, purely for escape. I turn away from everything possible. Once in a while is okay but the past few months its become a pattern. I may have one of two up days followed by several days or weeks where I don't want to face anything except the things I absolutely have to attend to. Things should be looking pretty good. I've got the groin/testicular pains and a few dental issues but nothing unmanageable. I made it through the SSDI ordeal tho yet to see anything from it other than Medicare which I don't have a clue about using anyway. I have a very small business and professional tools that I've acquired through very creative and judicious dealing. Buying something cheap, using it for a while and then selling it and buying something better. With a little luck and marketing I could possibly become independent and self supporting or at least make the maximum allowable income under SSDI guidelines. I seem to draw people to me w/o even trying. I have an intelligent, beautiful gf. I still have a fair amount of synapses firing (usually) at a respectable rate despite... well, many things. I've managed to trap, fix, and feed more cats than is good for me. I do good deeds despite being somewhat of a rake.
I should be happy. But there is this huge empty space and a desire to turn away from everything. Music was the great love and dream of my life as sme of you know. When I lost that, cars helped fill the space somewhat. Now there's nothing there. And I don't know why I'm even posting this because I am a very private person and don't normally look for outside help and I know this thread is going to be pointless.