Yesterday was a long day at the hospital, with first therapy, then a meeting to evaluate treatment, and finally an hour with the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist had actually also joined us during the last half an hour of therapy to discuss some options.

I had to fill out a Depression Index and I scored somewhere in the 90th percentile (they measure it in steps of 10). So I guess it's good news that less than 1/10th of depressed people feel worse than me, eh?

I started on new meds yesterday and we'll try these for two months, by which time they should work at least a little. If they don't, we'll switch to another med that's already been chosen. If that doesn't work, I'll be referred to ECT.

How messed up (and treatment-resistant) do you have to be that they're thinking of trying ECT on a 17-year-old?
And how messed up do I have to be that I, with my hospital traumas and fear of doctors, am actually considering it?

I'm kind of glad we have a plan of how we're going forward, though. This way I won't fall into a vacuum of "what are we going to do next?" if these meds don't work.

But still.. urgh.