I can totally relate! I too thought my mania was normal and that pesky depression was my only problem. Also, my depression sucks to the point I will do anything to avoid it . I have always thought everything bad came from it while only good came from"normal" times. In reality, most of my lost jobs came during " normal" times and spiraled me downwards into horrible places that leads to my depression! When medicated, I do struggle-I miss "normal" me and do feel flat, it's always been hard for me to stay on my meds because of it. Good luck, I hope you find a balance that works for you.