Dear pawn, I'm rather new here, but want to say how sorry I am about your situation. Please don't harden your heart! Your kids need your love for their whole life. My sister divorced her husband after 22 years of a dysfunctional marriage. Her two kids are now almost 40. The husband has worked hard to alienate their boys. But she still has a relationship to them. She loves them, and they love her. It's been rocky for all of them, but she has stuck by her sons. My sister and I have finally appreciated all our own parents did for us, after their deaths from old age. It would have helped if my parents had been open and willing to discuss parenting with me -- then I could have appreciated them more when they were alive. So that's my story, if it's any help. I just think hardening one's heart is very sad, and I hope you can love again.