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Originally Posted by alexchong
It's 3:40 am and I'm still awake...My depression has gotten worse these past couple days and I've been feeling really down. I can't seem to take control of my life and it has been driving downhill quickly...The fall semester at my university starts this month and I haven't even so much as logged into my student account to see what my enrollment status is since I dropped out last semester. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to attend if I was able to because I'm pretty sure I won't receive financial aid to pay for my tuition since I dropped out last semester from my classes. Each time I think of logging into my student account, it just scares me and I end up putting it off...now it's to the point where classes for the university already start this month. My family thinks I will be attending this semester but I haven't told them yet...thinking about any of this just scares me and drives me into depression...I feel like I'm reaching the breaking point. I just want to give up and disappear...
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Perhaps what all of this is telling you, alexchong, is this is not the direction you really want to be going in your life at this point in time. Perhaps you're at this university at this time in your life studying whatever it is you're studying, more because this is what other people are expecting of you.
There's a wonderful little book titled:
Let Your Life Speak- Listening for the Voice of Vocation. In it the author, Parker Palmer, writes: before we decide what we want to do with our lives, we should discern what it is our lives intend to do with us. In other words, before we start planning out what it is we're going to do in life, we should try to come to an understanding of what our particular skills, interests & limitations are.
To offer a blatantly simple example: don't go looking for a job climbing ladders if you can't stand being off of the ground.
It sounds obvious enough. But I think many of us just do what we think is expected of us rather than to really think about what it is we would like to do & what it is we would be good at given our personal strengths & weaknesses. Good luck!
P.S. If you haven't yet done so... check your enrollment status!
