I'm not sure what, if anything, you were looking for in terms of replies to this post. It sounds as though it was more of a declaration than information leading to a question. But I just wanted to comment & say I can somewhat sympathize with your dilemma as far as the need to avoid pornography or even more gentle displays of affection go.

I'm an older male who has struggled with Gender Identity Disorder my whole life. As such, I also have allot of conflicts surrounding sexuality. So I also try to avoid being exposed to any kind of porn or even, as I say, gentler displays of affection. They can stir up all sorts of conflicting emotions which I just prefer not to experience. There's nothing I can do about them & they make me feel very uncomfortable. They can also contribute to a quick slide back down into the depths of depression & anxiety. Of course, no matter how hard I try, society is so full of sexual material, it's impossible to avoid it all. I invariably get hit with stuff I'd rather not be exposed to. But at least I have (as do you) an awareness of the effect it has on me & so I can minimize the impact.

And as far as the idea of celibacy goes, as long as this is a path you are comfortable with, I would say it's perfectly fine. Here again, society makes it feel as though if you're not in some type of relationship, there's something wrong with you. But there are, I would imagine, many people who are just perfectly happy to be unattached.

Best wishes!