One thing I always forgot was that if I was in fact better then I wouldn't feel I needed my T. I think I tried to hold on to one side or the other to hedge my bets but then it doesn't make sense. Needing one's T now, one isn't better. But being better isn't like we imagine it now, but just our "imagined" what it will be like.

I got "better" :-) and when it came time to terminate, I was able to do so. It only took a year and a half (to terminate; 9 years to get "better" :-)