First of all hello, I am new to this site and I appreciate any guidance and help. Here is my problem. It centers around my Mom. I recently got married and my mom has not been receptive at all, we have barely spoken in over 2 months.

We have been together for 3 years prior and when she finally met my mom, the reception was cold to say the least. I know the core of the issue is the age difference, there is about 17 years difference between us. My Mother has never verbally attacked her in person but there have been off hand comments when she was not around. It culminated with her saying she is a gold digger and the biggest mistake I've made.

I know I made mistakes along the way. I waited 2 weeks before I told her we were engaged and then did not tell her about the wedding date until she found out through another source. But at the time we had not decided if we were going to elope or have a traditional wedding. We just told the best man so he could make tuxedo arrangements if we were to have people. We didn't it was just the 2 of us.

The thing is, is she does not know her and did not try to get to know her. The last thing on my Mom is she sent a letter recently basically saying she will not accept my marriage and will accept the consequences.

So, the damage is done. The thing is the day the letter is sent is the day before I planned a fishing trip with dad, but also try to start the healing process between us. I receive the letter and cancel the fishing trip with dad over the phone, we talk a while, I explain why I am not coming home and he understands.

He doesn't defend my mom or me nor would I ever ask him to take a side on this. I just think he wants it to stop and just said I don't know what goes on in her mind sometimes. Also he took the time to get to know my wife and was very personable with her for the few days we were home. The very next I get a call from my mother saying she is worried about Dad and we need to talk and then need to talk about how I treated him. I did write a letter and sent it with his Father's Day card and explained that I needed some space and wouldn't hear from me until after the wedding.

I've had to choose between my wife and parents but I'm pretty sure mom feels she's done nothing wrong and doesn't want our conflict to involve Dad. It's always about how I've mistreated them. It's almost like she is trying to manipulate me by using Dad indirectly. I don't want it to involve dad but I don't see how it won't since he is in the same household.

Of course my wife is upset and I am upset and at the point enough is enough, but not sure what way to go.