When i was a kid i had a heart murmor because i was so underweight i didnt eat alot. Like i remember my mum hiving me pizza and me scraping of yhe cheese and just eating that. It wasnt a weight thing i barely remember this.. the doctors told my mum to feed me w/e i wanted and put me in front of the t.v i had all of the people around me congratulating me everytime i ate. I thought this made people happy so i ate more and more. My weight balooned amd i was severly bullied. I had girls standong behind me in school and poking my bum to make it wobble and then laughing i was only 10. I decided in the six weeks holidays before moving up to high school i would lose weight. I ate a tin of ravioli every three days (my parents are alcoholics so they didnt notice). It continued this way i was never skinny but a healthy weight. Although my eating habits were horrible. I stayed like this till i was 17 when i found out that when you dont eat you end up putting more weight on. Since that day i have never purposly starved myself. I put do much weight on i got bigger and bigger but i was determined to lose eeight the healthy way. This never hsppened. I have days of feeling guilty or upset or just cant be bothered and i eat nothing but the rest of the time i eat loads. I started looking up e.d when my friend was diagnosed with anorexia. Im jealous but i dont think i could evem do that anyway. Im 25 now and the biggest ever. I hate myself i disgust myself and im so depressed help me please