first a hello and a smile our lives seem to be close in the radar, let me give you an over view then some suggestions that i just resently started doing because of these same feelings, i right now am in a marriage with my second love which i married in 95 i had 1 previous son who is now 14 he was born 3 and a half months early and has brain damage (so demanding everyday) I wasn't diagnosed till the age of 17 with bipolar during a 18 month stay at a drug rehabilitation center and was on meds a short time, between 1994 and 2000 i had 3 miscarriages, then in 2000 we expereinced a still born dealth which really took a toll on my husband and i, he ever sense we first got together till 2000 stayed extremely busy and avoided me as much as possible it got worse for a while in 2000. the docs put me paxil and execept for the major mania my husband came around more, things where o.k. , because of the mania's being so bad i stopped taking the meds, and in 2003 we had another premature baby girl, my husband began to work out of town and would party, play with his friends and not want to come home on weekends because i was sooooooo stressed out! i was always a ticking time bomb and he was always my target. she came home at 6 months old with a tracheostomy and breathing machines, so as u can imagine life at home was hostile enough he just added to it being away and being able to be himself. In august of 2006 he quit his job which brought him home again and life just got worse, because he was now here i really became out of control with my mania's and after a rush to the hospital overdosing on pills while out parting i sought help, i've been on lithium for about 3 months now, I take trazodone 2 so i can get some sleep and because my deppression wasn't getting any better i am now on lexapro my husband has told me how much he loves me and i can't understand how now he can stay when he wouldn't run when i wasn't getting help, i am in counceling once a week which i suggest to any bipolar at least for a cpl of months to the first year, expecially when you have children. my husband comes with me on occasion to understand my disease a little more and how to help me. the depression really needs to be addressed, maybe another med, maybe more counceling, maybe more breaks from the kids. I have done this and it really helps! my husband and i are healing, slowly , i am working on how to treat my husband on a different level and he is learning not to do things to trigger me or if he does how to remeady the situation. THINGS GET WORSE THEN THEY GET BETTER AND SO ON............. I go to a local mental health place where i live, i get trial samples of expensive drugs and my lithium and trazodone are very cheap. If u are having trouble with the base try finding a local mental health place or go to the hospital emergency room, i have 3 kids 1 with brain damage, 1 with a tracheostomy and a adopted daughter who is in college if u are concerned someone will take your children while you are in the hospital they wont i've been in the hospital and my children are still with me, i was very very concerned about that myself.