Yes. I'd only briefly gotten on the computer to check email. Signing out of email, there it was. No. Nonononononono. Straight to scopes. Maybe it's not real. Tell me it's not real, ok? S****. BF wonders what's up. Relayed, haltingly. Then just sat there and cried. I don't follow celebrity stuff, don't even have a tv. But there are some people….that one is just really inclined toward. People whose impact you feel. You FEEL it. And the relatability of the intensity. Talking that fast, thinking that fast. YES!!!
Then there's the other side. Hearing confirmation. The chill that hits way too close to the bone. The thing you wouldn't wish on anyone. That place. The familiarity of that place. Cry for him.
Cry for me.
Cry for us.
What a horrible place we know.
Walking a little to the left of actual location. Kind of lost. Kind of overly-tune in, all at once.
Found myself fervently hoping it wouldn't come up at work. Because I knew I'd hear ignorant crap and it would make me angry. And did not know how I would be able to temper my response, feeling it this intensely. It's too close.
(In no small miracle, it did not come up.)
Yesterday was more a stunned numb. Today, reality invades and disturbs in waves.

It sucks. On so many levels.
I can't imagine not crying over it.