Quote:
Originally Posted by sui generis
I recently got over the most intense and difficult depressive episode I've had (about a couple of months ago) and I finally returned to university after a semester break and was feel pretty good. Honestly I love being back, I love my classes etc. But then I started getting anxious and irritated and then I got the flu and straight after I got a cold. I'm not sick currently but sickness can sometimes trigger a mood episode.
Suddenly it becomes difficult to study and I'm feeling tired and out of it. I have 4 assignments and an exam and I'm working on an assignment now and it seems impossible. I've managed to get 1000 words done and I have 500 left but then suddenly I just felt so bad yesterday and I ran out of steam. I've been sitting here all morning not being able to do anything. I hate when this happens, it makes me feel so stupid because it's honestly not a lot of work to do and I SHOULD be able to do it!! Past couple of weeks it feels like I've been fighting to keep my head above water  I'm not seeing a psychologist anymore because my sessions ran out and tbh I feel like I'm beyond help right now. My brain and body feel like lead.
I'd appreciate anything encouraging and support at the moment  |
I completely empathize with you. I have a paper that was due Saturday, that I'm going to end up taking an incomplete grade on for the class so I can finish it, because for the life of me, I have not been able to get it together. I know I "should" be able to, but it's just not happening.
I'm sorry to hear you don't have a constant therapeutic outlet right now. It's always hard managing symptoms day to day, I cannot imagine how much more difficult it is doing it alone.
Some advice I always try to remember when experiencing similar things is to go easier on myself. I'm really, really hard on myself, and especially when it comes to anything academically related, so I try to keep that in perspective. I also try to avoid "shoulding" all over myself, (i.e., I
should be able to write this paper, I
should have been done with this and that other assignment by now, etc.). If I break those statements down with logic, they're really irrational comparisons of myself to some "idealized version" of my most productive self, and it's just not fair to compare my depressed or down self to my productive self. Apples and oranges, as they say.
Just doing what you can do is enough to be proud. Just getting out of bed is sometime a huge triumph for the day. It's all relative. I agree with the previous suggestion about chunking things. I've done that before... set a timer for 10 minutes, do as much work as you can, then take a 10 minute break. I find it helps because I get really easily cognitively overloaded when I'm down or out of it, and breaking up tasks into smaller parts does help a lot. Makes it feel much less overwhelming. Instead of "four assignments and a paper to write," suddenly it's just "ten minutes of work." And it makes you feel like you're accomplishing more because you see your progress building, bit by bit. The key is really to try to forget the bigger picture of what's due, and only focus on that ten minute window at a time. Hang in there, and don't be too hard on yourself with the negative self talk! You wouldn't be in university if you were "stupid," so that's a ridiculous, irrational notion.
You can do it!