It really is terrible, and I didn't see my life being this way...at nearly 49 years old, I should have been at a different point. This is a miserable way to live. I woke up this morning with the thought that it cannot be possible to loathe every waking minute of your life, but I'm coming very close to that. I appreciate the sympathy. I'm trying to work through this, but all that I see is a persistent struggle to get nowhere...