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Originally Posted by unplugmealready
Sorry I haven't replied to everyone but as always your support is greatly appreciated. Things are still slow and when I mention things in regards to the issues, she never changes her answers. She IS trying. Things may not happen as fast as I would like but rome wasn't built in a day. StbGuy I agree I think we have drifted, maybe due to some other reason. But not on my part. I have never changed my wants/needs, the way I treat her etc. I will need to do some digging like you say. She could be suffering herself. But she won't say. ~rider, thanks for the advice and yeah, we all have different sex drives so that is also a factor to take on board. Loophole, I feel for you. Its hard when it happens. The worst is not knowing why. And it can make you feel like there is no point in living. Maybe some of the others advice on here may be of some use to you also. And the Well, thanks for the support. We all need people we can lean on and although I am a stranger you all are prepared to take time out of your day to help out others in need.
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I think a marriage works like everything in life, it's a thing that must constantly evolve and adapt to stay strong/keep going. What used to work a while back, doesn't anymore. Things that remain the same tend to have a natural tendency to stop working after a few years in time. The only way is to communicate. The more information one has, the more of an informed (and correct) decision one can make, there is never a substitute for being well informed. I'm pretty sure there's something troubling your wife by the sounds of it. You said she was a strong person, opening up and becoming almost vulnerable are most difficult for such persons. She might be afraid that she will be judged by you and you might see her as weak. I know it sounds rather like oversimplification, but it could be something so simple that is simply holding her back from opening. Lots of encouragement and reassurance on your part will make her feel it's OK to open to you. She needs to feel that it is safe enough to do so.
Strong people often only have a hard or strong exterior, often they are the most soft, easy-to-hurt and vulnerable people on the inside, underneath all the outside armour. A strong exterior is a sign that someone is trying to protect their inner-being very much indeed!