When I get to a certain point on a downswing, I'll just close down, curl up and accept my fate. When I'm like that I feel almost comfortable and relatively safe as though the depresssion can no longer hurt me.

Getting over that point is really difficult and always seems like such a high risk thing to do. Why would I want to leave a place where I feel safe (even if I'm not functioning) to re-enter the big wide world where I can get very hurt, where things go wrong, where there are so many emotional triggers?

Getting the right meds should give you the energy to care, and therapy the coping strategies. Maybe you could talk to your doc about meds if your current ones aren't helping enough (that's assuming you are already on ads, if not then maybe it is the time to consider meds).