so be careful to watch how much of your response to what has happened is part of your personality disorders. don't make it worse than it has to be. this is a giant learning experience for you. you screwed up bad but you sound genuinely remorseful for what you have done and it seems you have learned from this. express this to c, in an email if he wont let you talk to him, and give him time to forgive you. that is all you can do. there are consequences for your actions. you will know better next time. it seems you have learned a lot about yourself so I think you will be more careful in relationships in the future. I am sorry you had to learn in such a devastating manner. take care.