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Originally Posted by The Skeezyks
Hello NowisAugust: First I'd like to just mention there is a Transgender Forum & also a Relationships Forum here on PC. You may want to consider posting your concern in one or both of these forums as well.
Second, I'd like to also suggest that you find a therapist who can help you to work through your confusion. Be careful though to find one who is familiar & experienced with concerns related to sexual-orientation. A therapist who is not may do more harm than good, in my opinion.
One thing I'm unclear about is to what extent you & your fiancé have discussed your concerns (other than with regard to children.) Is he aware of your sexual-orientation preferences? How does he feel about it? It might be wise for the two of you to engage in come couples counseling around these concerns, particularly if he has reservations.
My personal experience suggests to me your sexual-orientation preferences are not going to lessen or dissolve over time. In fact, if you try to deny them for your fiancé's sake, you may find they become stronger & more insistent.
I'm an older biological male who has been transsexual my entire life. Over 30 years ago I married & settled into a more-or-less typical male lifestyle knowing that, inside, the only thing I wanted was to be a woman. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I really didn't. I just assumed that this was the way it had to be for me.
Anyway, to make a long story short, as I have aged my "trans-ness" has not faded away. It has become a raging inferno that is gradually eating away at my psyche. I managed to keep it a secret until just a few years ago. My wife now knows what has been eating at me for all of these years. But it's really just too late for either of us to do anything about it. So we're just making the best of the situation.
Don't do this to yourself or to your fiancé. Tell him, if you haven't already, about your dilemma, both the part about your love for him but also about your predilection for lesbian sexual relationships. If necessary, seek out a competent couples therapist to help with this process. From my perspective, better to get it all out in the open now, even if it results in the two of you separating, than for you to go ahead and marry him while trying to keep your concerns secret, or keep them under wraps should it turn out he cannot accept them.   |
Thank you for your words of advice. Where he doesn't "fulfill" me, a woman does that very easily. And that's where emotional connection is concerned. Just simply talking to him is oftenan issue. There seems to be so many things i can't talk to him about, at least not without an argument of sorts. Talking to him is testy and tiring. I often need to find the "right" time to talk to him. When i'm feeling down and need someone to just talk to, he won't be able to give me any time if he's stressed about work. If he's working on something (and he's always working on something) i can't interrupt him.
He will be there if it's serious enough. Don't be mistaken that he doesn't care about me at all.
The issue with him isn't just sex. It's come to the point where i don't know if it's even reasonable for me to ask him to give me 15mins of his time when i'm feeling down or if i shouldn't bother him cos he's too stressed with work.
He makes me think i'm being unreasonable and not understanding.
I don't know what to think anymore