Hi Ipse !! Sure it matters because YOU matter. I'm real sorry you were struggling today, & hitting yourself at the time made you feel better
Do you have someone you care about? Would you show them just how much you care @ them by "hitting them with your fists"? Would this unquestionably show them you cared for them? I think not. And in this context Ipse you deserve to be treated with dignity, love & respect. How would that feel? What would it look like?
Please PM if you want to.