((((((moonkin))))))))) so sorry you are feeling like this. One subject you touched on has touched me because I relate to it. I have been there. I lost my spouse of 17 yrs...an untimely death. Have you lost your spouse? I couldn't remember in your post. We all grieve in different ways. I don't remember much after his death because I kind of went numb. I did things I am not proud of but I can not change that now. I won't go into the details but it was a period of time that I hurt. When people hurt they can do stupid things...is this an excuse...no...but it happens. I do not think its healthy to dwell on the past nor do I think its healthy to worry about what others do but I try to look to the future and be the best I can be. I can't control the world and would never want to. For me there is only one who can....that is GOD.
I hope you decide to come back. I feel that your posting provides many of us to think deep. Its good to exercise the mind this way.
TC
Snow