I left a post the other day and I don’t think I said what I wanted to say clearly and I got little response so I’m going to try again.
I’m in a almost one year relationship and tbh I’m pretty darn happy- we have good and bad times like every couple but you know that’s normal. We have had a really rough patch. He makes me smile, laugh, angry, sad, jealous and everything like that.

We connect on an emotional level and everything. Sounds great right ? It is but I have my problems. Ever since I was a child I have been a drama queen RE relationships. I’ve ruined trips with others because I’ve broken down over people liking or not liking ect - I’ve accepted that.

So I dropped out of Univeristy this year (because I didn’t wanna see this person and I really don’t handle long distance relationships so well – im ok with it)- But a few months ago I went on a uni trip and All of a sudden I felt a connection with someone because they liked politics and dogs (I used to love politics but I shied away because of this and now I don’t care and I’m ok with that). After a few months of toil and not being able to stop thinking about it (I did tell me boyfriend at the time and we almost broke up and I have told him once whilst I was drunk) I sort of got over it (that’s what happens with me). I obsess over it for a good long time and sort of get over it but this connection wouldn’t go away and still appears a lot during my day.

It happened with a past relationship with a girl (I’m Bi) and after two and a bit years I did get over her- I really loved her for who she was. It also happened a lot last year- I had obsessive thoughts that were lets just say not very nice- Then I was convinced in my relationship I was Gay- needless to say I’m not and me and my boyfriend have an amazing, intimate and fantastic sex life- we really listen to each other. Then a few months I was convinced I liked my then uni housemate- I told her and she was fine about it and I got over it. I had some therapy because all of this finally got to me a few months ago (I would self harm and then I would imagine self harming every single minute of the day- these were not normal self- harming to – it was graphic, viscous and horrific).

I’m better now I guess – I think and I’m also waiting to get Cognitive Behavioural Therapy- So I’m trying to work on it. But I still have incredibly horrific days :/. My feelings for that guy I know are not real- but in my head it will not go away. Reminders remind me of him all the time (I would like to point out my first real boyfriend, this guy and a guy I slept with after me and my 1st broke up all share the same name so It is hard to get it out of my head).

I want this to go because I’m happy with my life now- Honestly I love my boyfriend a lot and also for who he is- I would do anything for him and he does and has changed for me too. He is not perfect but I don’t want him to be- I can say that with confidence now because of the realization a few months ago and I feel better- I am moving in with him soon and I’m really excited about it. I guess because I shied away and was not myself at the time it and the obsessing about liking someone else whilst being in a relationship and being worried it has engrained itself into my head. Is there anyone else that can offer advice or has been in something similar.

I think I have covered everything but if you need anymore information let me know.

* Also Witht he guy I'm with We always talk about kids and marriage and I don't want the thought of this other dug in my head on my wedding day someday- I don't wanna think about him on my special day- being with my guy and talking about kids and the future is always right and feels good.