Quote:
Originally Posted by HighDemands
@Double edge and lilo: Thank you so very much. I deeply appreciate the feedback.
For some reason I just knew schizophrenia was going to come up, as I checked the negative symptoms and I pretty much have them all. Of course this is not enough for a diagnosis but maybe I should relay what makes me think that it's a high possibility.
Yesterday evening I experienced the most bizarre hyper-mania ever,and it was freaky. So, I had this horrible headache,weakness and fatigue but for I couldn't stay still so I had to circle listlessly around our tea table for nearly half an hour,before I sat down on the floor laughing and crying at the same time. I couldn't stop myself and I started talking to myself in a very satirical manner. It's really sad. Applying this to your question about distinguishing reality, well to me,that is reality. I really can't distinguish anymore and I feel like I have lost a key cognitive function in my brain, I lack insight or perception, that thing that makes you actually think about your actions is nearly gone now. And I have this chronic apathy, maybe apathy is not the right word but more like an inherent inability or disability in genuinely feeling emotions, I can express them fine but I don't feel them. I also display inappropriate emotions many times, like when something is really serious I chuckle or even burst out laughing which makes people angry. And when I am yelled at I grin and I smile for no reason. They aren't genuine because I don't feel anything related to joy or happiness, it just happens. It's really embarrassing, because sometimes I find myself laughing in public...
Continuing what happened later that night, well...I couldn't sleep and literally went 'crazy', I acted like a sugar-induced hyperactive five-year-old. I couldn't stop talking and joking and jumping, and doing all sorts of unreasonable things and then I had a very bad mood and went to bed upset. Maybe this should be added to give a better picture, there are days when my brain feels like it's on fire, it's not a headache per say but more like this burning feeling like it's being fried. And I have horrible screaming fits, but not because of the pain, I don't feel pain,I just feel like screaming and I scream until my veins get enlarged and hit myself hard, actually choking and strangling are the only ways that seem to calm me down. But because this is extremely dangerous,what I do is tie a thin rope on my arms or legs until the pulses are gone. Sometimes using tape makes it better.
There was a slight chance that all this might be DID so I posted on another web,if you have the time please check it out and see if it's relevant:
Can dissociative identity disorder be caused without trauma-psychforums.
Sorry for troubling you with all of this, this is honestly my only resort, I am very grateful for your opinions and insight. Thanks a million  . |
I agree with BipolaRNurse, printing this thread out and showing it to your parents might get them to understand. I don't know what exactly your situation is with your parents. If it makes you feel better, my mom growing up absolutely refused to take me to the doctor multiple times when I needed emergency attention, specifically deep cuts that required stitches, including one that was the result of self-harm. She did nothing both times, and once even yelled at me how "doctors just want to steal your money." So I just hope that's not the kind of problem you're dealing with, where your parents are just removed from the reality of what is going on. As long as they're not completely neglectful, I can't imagine them reading this and not being concerned.
Your symptoms are extremely concerning, and warrant immediate medical attention. As far as laughing inappropriately, that could just be a panic response caused by an overproduction of cortisol and adrenaline, which based on your other symptoms and your overall self-reported distress about them, is probably running at high levels. Feeling like your brain is on fire could be a hallucination. Point is, none of us are diagnosticians, I can only relate to this from my undergraduate education in psychology, but in no way am I or anyone else here able to help you the way a qualified physician needs to. If you are at the point where you feel like self-harm is the only way to "calm you down," then you seriously need to take some real action and talk to someone about this who can help you. I know it's terrifying, but you have to do it for your own sake. No one can take care of you until you first take care of yourself by speaking up. You can do it, even if you think you can't. The alternative is not worth it. Please keep us updated and take care of yourself.
