Thanks withit and ECHOES, for your thoughtful comments.

withit, no I don't think my T is being devil's advocate. I know him too well and would pick up on this. ECHOES, and I don't think he is playing at "confusion therapy" (that sounds yucky). Truly, my T is a very straight guy, quite direct, and doesn't play games. And yes, we have definitely discussed the conflict of interest in having my T now be a T to us as a couple rather than just me. We have definitely gone over all the issues multiple times in the last months.

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maybe he's getting what he asked for and the reality is sobering for him?

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Could be, ECHOES. I was out of town for a whirlwind trip and had a lot of time to think about this (like lying awake in the wee hours this morning in the hotel room). I'm still not sure exactly what's going on, but I'm thinking that maybe as I have revealed more to T in the last couple of weeks as to just how far gone my marriage is, he has lost interest in working with us as a couple, recognizing that his usual M.O. might be inappropriate here. He sees he can't really help in the way he usually helps and likes to help, and he is adding that to the potential worry he has that he will hurt me by building rapport with my husband in my presence. The negatives add up for him. That's my best guess now.