It's been quite a while since I last felt depressed. A combination of medication, counselling and even this site helped get me out of the dark place and I managed to go for a decent stretch (three whole months!) in a relatively stable mood.

Lately, however, my depression has been coming back and is starting to take over my life again. I've began to feel intense loneliness, moments of anxiety and severe depressive episodes.

Even worse, I've had moments when I've failed to see any meaning in my life. These moments are rare, but they're getting worse and more frequent. When they do hit, I find myself getting... harmful ideas.

I'm still seeing my counselor, but I find it difficult to truly communicate with them. So far, they only know a fraction of what I'm going through. Every time I try to open up to them, I'm gripped by a sense of fear and I clam up.

I'm not going to lie: I'm terrified. I feel so alone and don't know what to do.