I'd send a card, personally. This man sounds like a "toxic" parent. Get him out of your emotional space. You're 40. It doesn't sound to me like there is much chance of developing a relationship with him (other than him using you as a bank).
I got rid of mom emotionally many years ago. It was the best thing I ever did, not only for myself but for my children. Now she is dying of lung cancer and because there is no one else, I am taking care of her finances. I have put her in a beautiful, clean, and organized private care home. I watch over her care. She is in hospice care and has a nurse check her every week. She has a social worker and a priest. She and her home are monitored by the state. This is much more than she did for me when she allowed my stepdad to abuse me for 6 years. I see her once a week and give her a hug but I am dead emotionally around her. I have done my duty by her and when she dies it's okay.
If that sounds cold, am sorry. I just don't believe in toxic people.