Is self destructive behavior part of mania or depression? I seem to be functioning ok but ive been aggitated for weeks. So i took up smoking. I cant help it. I know its wrong. I love how bad it is. I love how its hurting me. I love that noone knows. I love buying the cigarettes. I enjoy the act itself. Its like being tansported elsewhere while im smoking. At the same time it feels good to brush my teeth and take a shower later too. I love the alternate universe and how bad a thing it is. Im bad and i love it.